Birth Parent Stories - Stephanie

When I first became pregnant, I thought everything would be wonderful. The baby's father and I hadn't known each other that long, but we still thought we could work things out. It soon became clear, however, that we were not meant to be together. It was really hard, even at the age of 24, to be pregnant and alone. I knew that being a single parent would be even harder. Discovering open adoption was a dream come true.

I was able to choose the best possible parents for my baby. Lutheran Social Service gave me so many families to choose from that I thought it would be impossible to choose just one, but Tom and Rebecca's letter stood out from the beginning. I could tell just from their pictures that they were warm and down-to-earth. They had been married 18 years and shared my interest in music and nature. Plus, they were athletic, which I knew would be important to the baby's father. Unfortunately, he had disappeared by then and I had to make most of the decisions alone.

I took several days to read through all of the "Dear Birth Mother" letters before starting to call my favorite prospective parents. One phone call to Tom and Rebecca confirmed for me that I had found a truly incredible couple. We talked for over an hour about everything from our pets to suburban sprawl. Although I didn't tell them right away, I already knew that I wanted them to adopt my baby. Meeting them in person strengthened my feeling that this was meant to be.

During the last three months of the pregnancy, we wrote and talked to each other more and more frequently. As our relationship grew stronger, my original plan for a semi-open adoption, with an exchange of letters and pictures, evolved to include the possibility of phone calls, e-mails, and even visitation. I realized that we had all become close friends and I loved them like family.

Duncan James was born at 7:09 P.M. on September 30, 12 days earlier than expected. Luckily, Tom and Rebecca were able to catch a last-minute flight, and they arrived in Minneapolis just in time to see the birth of their son. He was a healthy nine pounds, one ounce, and 22 inches long. We all took turns feeding and caring for him in the hospital.

The first few days after Duncan's birth were difficult for all of us because his birth father had registered with the Putative Fathers' Registry and said he wouldn't consent to the adoption. Then, just as Tom and Rebecca were broken-heartedly packing to return home alone, he called and said he changed his mind. He signed the consent forms that evening and got to meet Tom, Rebecca, and little Duncan. I feel some loss, but more than anything, I am happy for Tom and Rebecca and proud of the loving choice I made for Duncan. He will grow up knowing how much we all love him.